Friday, January 29, 2016

Imitating a Good Poem: January 2016

The poem proposed for imitation:

willow on shore –
other leaves continue to
darken the sky

(Ana Urma)

The situational omission of the proposed poem comes from the fact that it does not mention literally the mirroring, not even the mirror of the lake. The situation of the reflection in the mirror is not exposed by the presented facts: other leaves continue to darken the sky, and not by the evoked object either: willow on shore. There are only vague allusions to water, the willow and the shore, and to the hiding of the sky, by leaves and by the darkness. The deceptive synecdoche means that there are two equally valid situations, the multiplying leaves in the tree’s crown in spring and their falling down in autumn, both being potentially responsible for the darkening of the sky, in the first situation covering the actual sky, in the second only its reflection in the lake. The whole poem points, with subtlety, towards the second situation.

Remarkable poems:

fallen icicle –
the sun splits
into thousands of needles

(Luminiţa Ignea)

Luminiţa Ignea gives up the props proposed by the poem to be emulated. We no longer find the mirroring water or the trees on the lake’s shore. The ellipsis works by transferring the breaking of the icicle on the shattered sun, and through concealing the reflection that is only suggested by the scattering sunlight. Although we no longer have a misleading synecdoche, the addition is clearly allegorical: it speaks of the sun’s thousands of needles to make us understand that it is talking about the icicle’s shards.

weeping willows –
the leaves keep away
the cluster of stars

(Florin Florian)

Florin Florian replaces the specification on shore with weeping willows, thus keeping the allusion to the water and its possible mirroring. The darkening is also replaced with keeping away, an expressive phrase, emphasizing more openly the concealment. The sky becomes the cluster of stars and away acquires the meaning of keeping the the swarm of bees away, in a basket. The ambiguity of the leaves’s location, in the tree or in the water, is preserved with no alterations. The situational ellipsis also remains valid, together with the misleading synecdoche.

(Comments by Corneliu Traian Atanasiu)

1 comment:

Magda Vlad said...

willow leaves-
sky growing dark

Magda Vlad